The Perfection Trap

How do I know I am falling into this trap?

In Helgeson and Goldsmith’s book How Women Rise, we learn that women are particularly susceptible to the perfection trap. Regardless of gender, we have all fallen into it at some point. Job applications, performance reviews, presentations, pitch decks, personal correspondence – we strive for perfection and end up accomplishing nothing.

In an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show, researcher and author Brené Brown explains, “When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. We struggle with perfectionism in areas where we are most vulnerable to shame.”

Of course, this is only amplified by social media which can make us compare ourselves to others despite only seeing a small (likely Photoshopped) snapshot of their lives. Think about how this may feel for you. Do you find yourself curating an image of perfection to avoid judgement from others?

To recognize where your perfectionism is rooted, ask yourself: What is driving me? Mastery or recognition? 

The answer will help you identify whether you are striving for mastery or excellence for yourself or if your perfectionism is about the opinion, validation, or recognition of others.

If you are still unsure, consider these questions: 

1. Do you have unrealistic standards or expectations for yourself and others?
2. Is your need to be flawless consuming all of your time as well as others’?
3. Are you fixated on mistakes and unable to perform after making one?
4. Do you procrastinate or jump from one task to another without completing anything?
5. Are you emotionally attached to the results so much so that you are not able to enjoy the process of trying, learning, and growing?
6. Are you overly critical of yourself and feel like you aren’t good enough? 
7. Do you feel defensive about feedback?
8. Do you blame yourself even when you’re not at fault?
9. Do you feel pushed toward a goal by a fear of not reaching it versus being pulled toward the prospect of reaching it?
10. Do you judge others excessively?

If you answered yes to any of these, you may be caught in the perfection trap.

Top 3 takeaways on perfectionism

1. Perfectionism kills progress! The pursuit of perfection can paralyze us, preventing us from getting anything done at all. Focusing on inconsequential points in the name of perfection can keep us from being creative or innovative.
   
2. The perfection trap affects relationships and teamwork. As leaders, it can be stressful on our colleagues when we set impossibly high standards. It’s not bad to focus on quality, but let’s strive for balance.
   
3. Perfectionism can hinder inclusion. If you don't accept who you are and allow yourself to be human, how are you going to allow others to be human? Inclusion starts with YOU.
   

Being OK with not being perfect

Letting go of the urge to be perfect is not easy! Like adopting any new habit, it can be hard. Just remember mastery is all about practice. Accept that you are a work in progress.

Consider these five ideas:

1. Understand what is driving you: mastery or recognition.
2. Stop with the comparisons and accept your imperfections. Literally no one is perfect!
3. Adopt a growth mindset – the belief that our intelligence, abilities, and talents can be developed – instead of a fixed mindset – the belief that our intelligence, abilities, and talents are static and cannot be changed.
4. Focus on one thing at a time. Keep it manageable.
5. Practice deliberately with intent and commitment.
   

While it’s still a challenge sometimes, I have learned to enjoy the journey, and along the way, I try to emotionally disconnect myself from the outcome. I have learned to value progress over perfection.

Remember, to err is human. Take a chance. Get out of your comfort zone. And don’t worry about what others think! If you really care about doing great work, you must put the burden of perfectionism to rest.

Continue learning how to free yourself from the perfectionism trap. After reading this article, listen to the author discuss her experience on (Re)Learning Leadership podcast.